Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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