I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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