We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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