NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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