Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
