is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you will always have a special place in my vag
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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