At least make sure they are 18
Why
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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