So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
