alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Randomize
