Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
