It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize