I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
