508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
God, I missed his penis.
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