I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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