Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize