dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize