I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
