My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
