Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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