On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just cropdusted the office
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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