I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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