I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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