I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
