If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
