Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
