He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
