Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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