what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sarcasm needs its own font
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
