It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
