i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
