I just made out with a guy for $7.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Come see our sink grown plant.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
