i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
