I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just cropdusted the office
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
