I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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