So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
