At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
