Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
