It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
