I just saw a hot homeless man
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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