I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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