Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
