Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
