i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need water and some morals
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize