i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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