OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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