escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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