You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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