Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
