Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Come see our sink grown plant.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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