My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
