I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
