found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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