just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
