I hate all girls vehemently.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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