Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
