Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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