Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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