i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
did you just send me my own nude
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
