You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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