I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize