I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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