Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
