how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
