he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
