So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
