so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
