Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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