Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
