The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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