At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
