I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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