I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
