I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
