I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
