Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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