Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
