____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
