just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
