The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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