if only i could text you this smell
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
