ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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