Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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