You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
