Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
