hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Soap is not a condiment
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize