Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
