I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
