for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need water and some morals
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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