dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
