i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
