I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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