Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
