I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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