RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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