one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
