so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
