Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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