So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize