I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
