I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
