theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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