I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
