I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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